“We need counseling!” I said angrily as I rolled away from my husband in hurt and frustration. Although, for the most part, my husband Mike and I had a great twenty years of marriage, we kept coming up on this same issue, this clash of perspectives and hurtful words spoken that left
me feeling unloved and scared. To my surprise Mike’s response was, “Sounds good! Let’s go!” With his response came a variety of emotions. I was relieved— that he wanted to work on our marriage, irritated—that we had to “resort to” outside help, that we couldn’t just
figure it out on our own, and embarrassed—that we had to admit we needed help. But, oh, am I glad we did reach out for help. Through a friend, Mike and I learned about IBL. We were both immediately drawn to the counseling model of IBL. IBL believes the answers to all of life’s challenges are found in God’s Word (II Peter 1:2-4). In addition, IBL believes mature believers, who know God’s Word accurately and are guided by the Holy Spirit, are qualified to counsel others. These truths resonated with us as both my husband and I had previously experienced “Christian counseling” and found it lacking.
When we arrived for our week of counseling with David and Dawn, I knew I wasn’t perfect, but I was convinced the majority of our problems were Mike’s doing. After a couple days of David and Dawn asking us questions, they gave us feedback as to what they believed was “at the root” of the behaviors that had brought us to counseling. They explained “roots” are beliefs we hold deep in our hearts that we are often not even aware of. Like the roots of a tree, they are hidden underground. But these roots feed and produce the visible parts of the tree—the foliage, our behaviors.
I was not expecting what happened next. As David and Dawn gently explained to me that they believed one of my roots was “self on the throne” I felt I had been side-swiped by a Mack truck. What they described to me felt “way worse” than the roots they had just identified in Mike’s life. I felt betrayed by God. “What God?! How can this be? I’m the more ‘spiritual’ one, I’m the one who reads Your Word more and knows and understands it better. How could I feel so close
to You and yet have such a huge blind spot as ‘self on the throne’?” (Which is just a better visual picture for the ugly sin of pride.)
That night I couldn’t sleep. Finally, around 2:00AM, I asked God to show me the truth and what His answer was. He led me to Scriptures and gently, kindly, lovingly confirmed what David and Dawn had suspected. I wanted to be right with God. I confessed to God and asked Him to forgive me and help me repent.
As our week of counseling progressed I began to see my “root” everywhere. It
was evident in my habit of interrupting people (I felt I knew better, what needed to be said at that time.) It was evident in my attitude toward my role as a mother (I felt I knew better than God what I was “most suited” for). It was evident in my role as a wife (I felt I knew better than my husband how to spiritually lead our family). It was a difficult week but such a GOOD week. The verse that comes to mind when I think back on it is, “Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11
“I wish every marriage could receive the counsel and practical tools they give.”
David and Dawn have helped us through ALL the problems in our marriage to date. Since that first week, we spent another week with them in person and have had sessions via Skype. Mike and I are closer than we have ever been and continue to grow closer to God. We are so thankful for David and Dawn and
the ministry of IBL. It has been truly life changing. I wish every marriage could receive the counsel and practical tools they give for understanding each other, for communicating with each other in a biblical way, for identifying our thoughts and for rejecting lies in our thoughts and replacing them with truth so that we can actually be “transformed by the renewing of our minds.” Romans 12:2
I would encourage any couple who has the opportunity to attend IBL counseling to do so. You cannot put a price on a happy marriage and, speaking of price, the monetary price for IBL counseling is - whatever you can afford!
Praise God from Whom all blessings flow!
- Mike and Annette Impola